As the sun shines brightly on me,
I could feel the warm it shines on me,
Just to have you here by my side,
My world seem whole inside.
You have open my heart to a place I long to be,
Never dare to set my foot there before,
But with you by my side now guilding me,
I do not feel as scare as before.
the other day the kling of sotong was cleaning the server and wah he was so blur that he deleted something important. wah, he hit his head hard on the wall for that. luckily he can retrieve the important stuff but some cant be retrieve. he stayed up all night and the whole day to fix the mistake he accidentally made. due to that reason, he owe all the sotongs followers a week of food of their choice. first choice is made is sheraton subang dim sum and second is revolving restaurant at KL tower. hehehe 
I’m wondering if I am a fool? Do i realize something that is right in front of my eyes? Or am I that dumb? Why do I always look for something which is so far within my reach? Why do I not appreciate the one in front of me but let others have it? Do I deserved it in the first place?
Love. It is complicated topic. How do we know if we are in love? I always thought I know what love is but am I wrong? Must it be mushy and touchy? Does it mean to be romantic and always doing something special? Must it be physical attraction? I’m confused by them.
What am I to feel? Did I do something wrong on the way? Why does the guys that I like, like me back? Am I not attractive enough? Not enough physical attraction? I’m so lost. I need time alone to sort this out. Hopefully I can have this cleared off.
I have a friend who has a boyfriend in Taiwan. You may ask who it is. I forgot the name thought but he is one of the members in 5566. One of the handsome one whose hair damn cool.
Wonder who would be her next boyfriend? Never ending line of boyfriends she has in Taiwan. One by one all go for her. What to do. She is so cute and adorable. She melts every single guys heart
Ever so often I’m crying in my heart but no one hears it. But I know there is always one person who hears me cry. He would always comfort me by telling me,”It is alright my child, I’m always here with you”. He would always give me strenght to overcome the darkest day of my life. So far, He has always been there for me. But this time, even He is here with me, my heart still cry.
Is it the generation gap or is there something else. It seems that I’m going further and further away from my parents. Further and further from my family. Like at this moment, I really thought of running away. But He would never let me do it for His live for me help me to move on and overcome this by facing them. But today it is hard. I tried my best but in vain is the result.
Having small talks become something that hurt me deeply. I ran off and it didn’t really seem to matter to my parents that there is something wrong or that my feelings was hurt by what they say. Little do they know that I mind a lot how they think of me. How it affects me that how little trust they have in me. How little confident they have in me.
My deepest secret so far in my life is my studies. It is embarassing but I have to face it. It is all my own doing. I have let personal matters affect my studies. Now that I have cleared all my personal issues and not let it affect my studies. I could have done well if it wasn’t due to my over-confidence answering and over-looked my carelessness. But now I feared that I would let my personal matters affect my studies again for I have been very sensitive and emotional lately. Does this mean I’m to be a failure? It hurts when my parents think so. Ever so often I want to proof to them that they are wrong. To me knowledge isn’t about the degree for there are a lot of people who graduate out with a degree but know next to nothing on what they study but I know what I am studying. That isn’t enough to tell my parents that I ain’t a failure for I couldn’t proof my point to them.
To my parents, I’m a person with a lot of nagative values. They rather think that I have change then to think that I didn’t. Those that knows me would say that I didn’t change but I have learned to socialize more and more easy going then last time. I know that I can’t keep people’s mouth from talking about me for this are just human nature. As long my parents know who I am that what really matters but now it seems that they hardly know me nor believe themselves on who they think I am.
There was a time where I was very sensitive on things people talked about me especially those that are not true but now I know that can’t be help. I’m grateful for this shows me who are my friends who cared or people who cared. Unfortunately my parents fell short in this catagory. I can ignore what those people say about me but not my parents for I look for approval in them on who I am. There are times I feel like being caged up for I can’t be who I really am but to be someone I’m not just to pleased them. I tried to talk to them nicely bout this but all I got from them was just the word “Bullshit” and “There isn’t such things like that”. Since my lifestyle is different when I’m here in a big city where certain things are not easily accepted in a small town. That is how the gap begins for my parents wants to believe that everything is what they assume it is like and not see how things change until they hear it from others. That is only when I feel the heartache being lifted a bit. But this takes too long where I would cry myself to bed.
Since young I keep all my unhappiness to myself and cry myself to bed. Till today it is still the same. I tried hard to change to be what my parents want me to but there are times it is hard for that part just isn’t me. I’m the one that always looking for something exciting. Eventhough I’m very homely but there are times I would like to be happening also. I would like to have adventures but that is restricted. I love to go camping but that is one activity that my father put a restrand on me. All the activities he put a restrand on me, he give me the reason that I am a girl that’s why can’t do it. Even sports. Reason? I’m not going to be a sports person so why bother to be good in them.
From this I think the generation gap is so obvious. Ever so often I cried to myself for I feel so stress to be daddy’s little girl who I was when I am younger and I find it harder as I grow. I can still be but it seems so hard. I can pleased him but cry to my own self for there are times I feel so suffocated. There are times I feel so lost for I wonder am I going the way I want or the way others plan for me. How am I to overcome this?
Colleen came to Taiping for the first time But she is so blur where she was She brought along her pillow stolen from MAS airlines and also her Bluey…her toy dog from Watson Took her out to look around and she ended up using RM100. What did she buy? Let’s see…A pair of jeans, something for her mother, lip gloss from Maybeline, nail polish, CD’s from pasar malam and a pair of ear rings from pasar malam also Then she went for a boat ride also What fun she has especially when she got stuck at the sandy part of the lake. All she did was laugh on the paddle boat. I could hear her from the waiting dock During the night, Colleen couldn’t drink. So a bottle of grape juice was opened. She snap pictures claiming it is red wine. Haha…So funny. But she was fatten up there for she was served food very often Wonder how much weight she gained? She actually weight herself that time Then she got to see Ipoh too. It was there when I was shopping I saw a pillow she likes. She was so excited that she ask me to get it for her. Wonder how much she spend over the weekend? Hehehe…
Why is there haze here? The air is so polluted. If you look at the sky, you would be thinking is it the end of the world. It looks a bit like in Day After Tomorrow. The sky is orangy the whole day. Harly a blue sky visible. The sir is filled with smoke and hazy. You smell smoke only and after going out even a short walk outside, you would come back smelling like being burnt. It is that horrible. At certain areas in PJ, it isn’t that bad compare to Sunway. It is so bad that visibility is dropping each hour. It wasn’t this bad yesterday but today it became worst.
Even when it rain yesterday, the rain is acidic. Before the rain came, there was hailstorm. I was lucky not to be out when it happen but I have a friend who was walking outside and was hit by it. The sudden change in weather. Does it seems like in the movie? What would be next then?
Furthermore, the weather is hot. I can’t sleep peacefully. It is so hot and stuffy for I don’t have an air-condition room. Haven’t have a good night sleep and breathing in smoky air. Wonder how long my lungs can last like that. When would the condition be better?
The place where I hang out in the air condition area in my campus, now it is crowded by people who want to have some air that doesn’t smell like smoke. All are trying to escape the horrible air there is now and everywhere you turn there are people wearing masks. The API level is reaching hazardous level. Klang has reached that level and this area is about to reach it soon if nothing is done. Each day the condition worsen instead of getting better as said in the news earlier. Hoe long more are we to breathe unhealthy air? What would happen to us if we breathe too much of this air? The condition now just scares me off more when I see more and more people wearing masks and what I breathe in all smell of smoke. Please may this condition not last but would become better soon.
I had the worst experience ever last weekend. It could be due to my naughtiness to go out in the middle of the night for a drink I was in my friends car who was driving. We came across a goup of guys who are in half modified satria and putra. The exhaust system I can’t deny, is damn nice. My friend wind down his window to praise his exhaust system. It was at the traffic light when that happen. When the traffic light change light, the guys speed off then one guy took stering lock and threaten to pick a fight. I was so terrified. My friend then say that they might be high on alcohol but not sure. His face was red slightly.
Hopefully I don’t have to face this again.
