My Thoughts…

There is 2 more days before results would be out. I’m trying not to think of it for I’m scare to death bout my results. Would it be good or bad? I don’t know. All I know if Daniel say he did badly, that means I did worst. I have no confidence. I feel like only viewing my results later. There isn’t a dateline when I must check it but can check it from 2 days onwards. I would check it a few days later. I really wish that luck falls upon me and help me get through my paper. I know I manage to do the paper but someone told me to keep fingers cross for there is a subject where majority are borderline. That is what I have been worrying the whole month already. I’m praying hard that all goes well. I put in my best but I know I can put in more. With so many things happening this semester, I think I manage to separate them with studies so I really hope I have make it through.

I would always follow my heart where it leads me but why are there so many people telling me not to? I know it is a risk to take and I want to take the risk. The memories of it would be worth the pain. I know I hurts a lot in the end but there is a saying “To love a person is better than never have love before”. I know that once we are hurt, we hardly take the risk and there are a lot that we miss out at times.

I won’t deny that I wasn’t heartbroken before. After that I was afraid to have ti hurt again. I realise the more we protect ourselves from being heartbroken, the more likely it would happen. That is from my point of view. I know there are friends out there that think I’m stupid taking the risk and there are friends who would support me as long I know what I’m doing. But most important of all, I know what I want and what might happen in the end. It is a risk to take.

I got banned by CNX twice in 3 days gap. How come I also want to know. I was banned on Thursday. I was to follow 3 steps which are update windows, install anti-virus and install anti-spyware. I have all these 3 and I have just update all of them. Maybe not anti-spyware but I hardly use Internet Explorer(IE) for I use Opera. Opera is safe from spyware.

After following this 3 steps, I called them up to unbanned me. The guy was kind enough to unbanned me and called me when the ban was lifted but then I am to treat him tea tarik. It’s ok for he helped me. As long I don’t get a call nor message from him, I don’t think I need to treat since I don’t have his number and worst still, I didn’t ask for his name

Late last night after I was unbanned less than 12 hours, I got a message that I was banned again. What can go wrong in this few hours. I was hardly using the internet. I won’t deny my PC was connected to the network but I wasn’t at my PC. I was out with my friends. And in that short time, how can there be new updates when I just update it the night before?

This just isn’t right and fair! They better give me a good reason if not I want to talk to their boss. It is very inconvinient. If they did this to get more free drink, forget about it. It isn’t that nice and it is a lame excuse. Worst, I’m left with 2 days can’t go online.

11.30am - Wei Sern called to wake me up to go to his place to paint his room. Actually to draw on his room walls like how small kids draw on walls Reach there bout 12.30 noon and he was painting the pillar brown. The rest of the room was white. After painthing the pillar, Elaine say hiungry so we went out to eat.

Drove to Satelitte to have chicken rice. Damn yummy. After lunch bout near 2pm we went back and continue to paint. Each took a side of the wall and start painting. I happily draw the Mac logo and wrote there iMac. Hehe… Then draw a scary face there also. Dom wrote words of wisdom there while Elaine draw paws on the wall. We did a grafitti which wasn’t that good so painted white over it. It was quite cool after putting a white layer over it
That was how we spend the afternoon after waking up. Painting his new room walls. Worst part was getting out of his house where have to reverse all the way out But I survive

I walk out from my house,
What I saw around me is darkness,
Where have my sunshine went,
I just can’t find it anymore.

Feeling chilly as I walk down the path,
Not knowing which direction to go,
My dear sunshine where are you,
I need you light to guide me though.

The brightness that shines in me is fading,
How am I to maintain it shining light,
My dear sunshine please come back,
I don’t know what I am to do without you.

May I know how important am I to you,
For you know how important you are to me,
How are we to hold on strong,
When we can let someone blind us with what’s happening.

I know that there is a huge obstacle ahead,
Please trust me on what I’m doing,
All I want is to protect you,
Protect you from being hurt at the end.

I’ sorry I can’t explain to you,
So I would be the one who feel it most,
Please help me be strong,
For you are all I need to feel strong.

I don’t know how to explain on what is happening,
You can’t see it for there is one who is hiding,
You may think I’m paranoid,
But trust me for my instinct tells me something is happening.

You may not see it now,
But when you do you would be hurt,
Please believe me in this,
For I only have good intentions in my heart.

I trust my heart for God is leading me,
I trust that My Dear Lord would help me through,
If you are to leave me,
My Dear Lord would hold me up to be strong.

I don’t know if I have made the worst mistake in my life or not. To give my heart out but bout to get it hurt. I don’t even know if I’m that important to him anymore. In the past 3 days he is away, I miss him so much. Was so happy to see him when he came back. Let him rest today and waited for his call. It never came.

Why didn’t he call? I called to find him out with others. I begin to wonder how important am I to him. Have I move a step ahead from him that I would be the one hurt and not him? What am I to do? Who am I to trust? I know this would happen, but didn’t know that soon. When it first happen, I was the victim. I was accuse on something that I don’t know about. Now, the person I love is with another girl in her room. What am I to think?

Am I to think there isn’t anything? How am I to trust him when he is there and not know why he agreed to go there. All I know was I was challenge that I can’t keep him from this girl. If she want to know, she won. I lost. Hope she is happy. I’m giving up all. That’s what she wants. I’m giving it up to her. Since I’m like a nobody to the guy.

Let him rest. Didn’t call me I called him to ask him for movie. But what happen was he was out with her. Then with the hurt I felt, I have to see her. After being accuse that I bitch bout her and treat her like trash, I was too hurt to bother. I agree with what Wei Sern told me once. What we say bout others actually reflect on ourselves first.

I’m now second or worst. Please let me go if I’m not important to you. Please. I have enough and the hurt given by the gal is enough. The gal who I once know has turn to be someone I just don’t know anymore. I see a side of her that I haven’t seen before. Just let me go. Why do you want to challenge me when you want it over with him? Why?

This is a Korean series that was shown long time ago and I just finish watching it. I was racing with a friend, Sharon to see who finish the series first. It seems that I was the one who finish first.

It is a touching story where the story line is bout the same as Winter Sonata according to Sharon. It is so upsetting for the girl has to go through so much. It is also so sad that the couple have to endure so many hardship before they can live happily ever after. So touching!

But, the copy I have was not so good for I was interupted in the middle that there is a problem with the file. What is worst is the last episode, the file can’t play sound. Tried with other program and it is also the same. SO disappointing. Last episode how can like that. Lucky me I have watch the first and last episode on TV before so it wasn’t that bad

St Francis Xavier Church is looking for players to play for a inter-sport event among the other churches. My friend, Jeremy asked me to play for the other female players can’t play. My first time there, I realize what he say is true. Once they served, I can kill them. It was an easy win for me to take the female top player. I haven’t touch my bat for 2 months due to exam and I can beat them that easily
Then, the uncles who are playing in the man’s category all want to spar with me. I suddenly become their sparring partner. Once of them, look so highly on me that makes me feel so good. I’m like so important to them in the team But I feel bored playing with them for they hit the ball everywhere and the ball comes in different speed and spin. No control but I can’t say my control is there. I lost my consistancy for didn’t play for a long time. Have to get back in touch.

To get back in touch is easy. But after playing pingpong that day. Rajiv, Sharon and Guoy ask me to play CS with them. I only played it once and I’m real bad at it. It was my second time playing. Before I can kill the terrorist, I was shot by Guoy and Rajiv nonstop. How kind of them in giving chance to a beginner They were so happy shotting me. My aiming was bad. I was the lousiest one there. But had some fun.

It shows that I can’t be good in everything. Real world I can but when it comes to virtual world, I’m bad at it. Lesson learn : Stick to pingpong and not to CS unless I want to have my butt kick, go play CS

How nice it was that it had rain for the past 2 days. Yesterday morning it rain then in the evening then night. While today it was cloudy so the weather wasn’t hot. Before that early in the morning it was raining also. It was quite cooling then it rain in the evening then drizzle at night. How nice. Wonder would it rain later? How I love the rain.

I didn’t know that counting down makes time seems longer. Somehow, by watching “Love Story in Harvard” had occupied my time that much. Damn how often I have to reopen Windows Media for the files have problem that needed to be either debug or terminate the program.

I just can’t wait for tomorrow to come It seems so long but it is getting closer and I begining to feel lifely back. Was suppose to go Zouk earlier but don’t feel like. Not really into clubbing for it is smoky, crowded and I feel out of place. Self-esteem problem.

Had a fun dinner for Mr Chew Wei Sern called me when he was stuck in a jam looking for a toilet. How nice of him to think of me. Hahaha…if not for him, I think me, Elaine and Jinny won’t be having dinner together and have a good laugh. Unfortunately, my mind wander off and then got distracted at the TV. Astro was showing the Tennis Master where Federra (I don’t know how to spell his name correctly) and I was watching him play. His playing seems to drop in the match. Wahahaha…or maybe I’m out of touch with the game since I left it 5 years ago. Hehe…

Haih…Rajiv just called to tell me bout the lights me, Guoy, Rajiv and Sharon saw one day at KLCC. We thought maybe it is the China space ship coming in but Rajiv just saw it again. And the lights are actually from Zouk. Mystery solved. How I was hoping it was a space ship. Hehe
Can time go faster