My Thoughts…

How do we calculate the life cycle of our hardware? That was an interesting question that my teacher Mr Terrance ask today. He was asking how do we count the life cycle. Like for thumbdrive, everytime you copy and delete file consider one cycle or when you use the entire free space and delete it only consider one cycle? Different types of thumbdrive has different life cycle. It is the one that has longer life cycle is better so it cost more? But how do we count the life spam of the thumbdrive? How do we know how good is the thumbdrive?

That goes the same for cellphone. How do we count the life cycle of the battery. Everytime we charge or when we fully charge it only consider one cycle? The other interesting topic he said was bout harddisk. He says that when we download files and share out the files, the harddisk tends to spoil faster. How true is this? Need the IT experts opinion
Haha…the things that are being taught by him are interesting and make me wonder

As I sit at my hangout area, it brings back a lot of old memories which I cherish a lot. The very first time I started hanging out at this area just came back in my thoughts. I remember 5 years ago, when I first step foot in the lounge area of Monash Student Lounge. I would sit at the corner facing the fooseball table which is now occupied by a new sofa set. If not I would sit at the floor at the new sofa set area. I would be there with my friends to discuss on our day’s work or for upcoming tests. I would see Woon Shen, King, Kevin, Kean Leng…playing pool then Guoy, Hau Wei, Joshua and Mark at the fooseball table.

Along the years I have made a lot of good memories here but those that still make me smile most are the first 2 years As for now, it still makes me smile a lot making new memories and recollecting my old memories

This is one part of myself that I would not deny and trying hard to diminish. I became more sensitive towards my environment when I think of myself as a failure. I know there are people out there that think I deserve what happen to myself, but truthfully, I overcome this issue. I’m not a failure and I can do more than what I can do. It’s just that my heart wasn’t there and I wasn’t putting enough work and effort to achieve them. So I lost out in one of my goals but I can achieve it later on in life.

Being overly sensitive makes me jump to conclusion very quickly. I can be rational thinking it might not be rational thinking. As long I think it is right for I fear that I would be cheated and played out. I have been through this a lot of times and still fall for them. Once I’m not comfortable with a person, I would back out. If the person persist on it, I would become very intimidated and my sensitivity would kick in. Even the smallest thing done that irritates me, I would do things that are not rational. When I chill, I would realise my action was not right but open a hole to be attack and if manipulation happen, it isn’t to my favour.

When these happens, I would always trust that those that knows me and claim to know me would know what to believe and what not to. If not, there isn’t anything I can do. Losing friends are part and parcel of life which I have learn along the way. There are some friends who you might be close to once, become total strangers the very next day. I believe that among girls, there is always a competition among them on how our social life is like. We are called successful if we attract a big number of guys who would stick to us. But I realise it is not right. If I have a big group of friends and no one would stick up to me when fake rumour are going around, it is my lost that I know them for they have so little trust and faith in me.

I remember in high school. I would always try to be the lone ranger for I fear that people won’t accept me as who I am but what I have and the status of my parents. I kept a low profile and life with minimum (no astro, no vcd. no internet, no outings) and people think that I’m poor which was good. When my dad’s status found out by them, whenever they need help, they come to me then cast me aside when not needed. I fear they would reject me for my family background isn’t that good. Having a brother with mental illness isn’t a good thing during those days. I would try to impress them but it won’t last. Then I think, am I going to use materials to keep them as friends or find those that take me as me. I’m glad I found a few but those few are better than a lot. They stood by me and how others influence them bout me, they didn’t fall to them but back me up. That is why I cherish those friends. I remember one girl, Siok Kheng, I was not that close but we mix together in class. I haven’t seen her for 5 years and I just bump into her and she remembers me. I really feel appreciated. Given a chance, I would like to meet up with all the girls I hang out with in class during high school
Back to topic, I’m a very emotional person. Slight incidents or happenings can triggrer me to be very sensitive and emotional where I let my emotions control my thoughts and what I do are never rational. I would need to cool before I can do anything. There are times in the past where I can be so depress that dying was like an option. But I manage to get up and overcome that I am not a failure. I begin to accept myself as who I am and not what I want or what others want me to be. I’m not perfect and there are rooms for improvements. My emotions are horrible and my dad told me hundred of times before. But one thing I know is, once my patience runs out, better hide for cover for I would fire anyone who is in my path over small matters. The past week I was going through stress and was very emotional for my grandmother’s bone which connect the leg to the hip rupture. She wasn’t doing well that time and everything was in havoc. Now all are settle but there are still worries for there are other risks she hasn’t overcome yet.

I’m emotional for I want to protect myself from being hurt. I was hurt a few times for trying to persuade relationships that never would work, persuade friendships that can’t be mend. One word that can describe how I am, paranoid. This is one word that can be used on me to describe how it affect me in my emotions and my sensitivity. My cousin once told me, my paranoid would ruin my life so I have to get rid of it. I’m slowly getting rid of it. Somehow, I think being paranoid and ruin other people’s life indirectly for at that time, our sensitivity are very fragile and we are very emotional. Do things without thinking the consequences and this might cause other issues for others without realising it but when that is done, there isn’t anything you can do. You can either be happy you manage to affect the other party to get satisfaction or you would feel guilt for you cause the other party misery and other misunderstanding with others. At times like this, we would use strong words without realizing the effect it has on others. Paranoid makes a person become pure selfish to achieve their needs to have satisfaction without thinking or the consequences. Now these is a price to pay and I’m paying it back big time and have to deal with others issues that involve more and more people which initial involves one. Sad but this is my life. Nothing good would come. Even if something good comes, it would soon be taken away. My column which is holding me up might be taken away, and this would be saddest day for me.

Emotional Abuse (from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_abuse

There is no single accepted definition of emotional abuse which, like other forms of violence in a relationship, is based on power and domination. (related to emotional harrassment a bit for emotional harrassment occur when sexual harrassment is present.)

Emotional abuse

Rejection

Rejection occurs from a refusal to acknowledge a person’s presence, value, or worth. It is achieved by communicating to a person that she or he is useless or inferior and by devaluing that person’s thoughts and feelings. For example, continually treating a child differently from siblings in a way that is unfair and suggests dislike for the child.

Degradation

This occurs from the use of insulting behaviour, such as ridiculing, name calling, imitating and infantilizing. It aims to diminish the dignity and self-worth of the person, and affects their sense of identity in a demeaning way. Examples include: yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating or labelling a person as stupid; mimicking a person’s disability; or treating someone as though they were much younger than they are and preventing them from making normal decisions.

Terror

This is the evocation of extreme fear in a person, done by coercion through intimidation. It can include placing or threatening to place a person in an unfit or dangerous environment. Examples include: making a child watch violence perpetrated on people the child cares about or a pet; making threats to abandon or kill a child; threatening to damage a person’s possessions; stalking. Extreme religiousity could also fall under this category; whereby the wrath of God is threatened if an individual behaves a certain way (telling a child they will burn in Hell if they masturbate, etc.).

Isolation

Isolation is the limiting of a person’s freedom to engage in normal association with others. It may involve physical confinement. Examples include: preventing an older child from participating in decisions about their own life; locking a child in a cupboard or in a room alone; disallowing a partner or older child from using their own money or making financial decisions; withholding contact with grandchildren; forbidding or strongly discouraging a partner from meeting with friends or family; depriving a person of mobility aids, transport, healthy living. The abuser does this to make themselves feel more important, or gain a sense of control.

Corruption and Exploitation

Corruption involves training a person to accept ideas or behaviour that is illegal or transgresses cultural mores. Exploitation involves using a person for advantage or profit. The grooming of a child to serve the interests of the abuser rather than those of the child may occur prior to actual exploitation. Examples include: child sexual abuse; permitting a child to use alcohol or drugs or see pornography; or enticing a person into the sex trade.

Emotional Unresponsiveness

This entails the failure to provide care in a sensitive and responsive manner and is manifested by being detached and uninvolved, interacting only when necessary and ignoring a person’s mental health needs. Examples include: ignoring a child’s attempt to interact; failure to show a child affection; treating someone as though they are an object, “a job to be done”.

Emotional Abuse Indicators

Emotional abuse can be difficult to observe when it is perpetrated in the privacy of someone else’s home, or in a closed institution. However, personal awareness and understanding of the issue is key to recognizing it. The following is a list of possible indicators of emotional abuse:
- depression
- withdrawal
- low self-esteem
- severe anxiety
- fearfulness
- failure to thrive in infancy
- aggression
- emotional instability
- sleep disturbances
- physical complaints with no medical basis
- inappropriate behaviour for age or development
- overly passive/compliant
- suicide attempts or discussion
- extreme dependence
- underachievement
- inability to trust
- stealing
- other forms of abuse present or suspected
- feelings of shame and guilt
- Self-injury Self-harm
- frequent crying
- self-blame or self-deprecation
- delay or refusal of medical treatment
- discomfort or nervousness around career or relative
- substance abuse
- avoidance of eye contact

Checklist

The following lists indicators that you can use to gauge whether you are being subjected to emotional abuse (adapted from [1]):
- You understand their feelings, but they never attempt to understand yours
- They dismiss your difficulties or issues as unimportant or an overreaction
- They do not listen to you
- They always put their needs before yours
- They expect you to perform tasks that you find unpleasant or humiliating
- You “walk on eggshells” in an effort not to upset them
- They ignore logic and prefer histrionics in order to remain the centre of attention
- They manipulate you into feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with you
- They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling that support in an effort to retain exclusive control over your emotions
- They never take responsibility for hurting others
- They blame everyone and everything else for any unfortunate events in their lives
- They perceive themselves as martyrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment.
- They hate your guts and treat you like garbage when they are unhappy with your behavior.
- They love you and treat you like a princess when they are happy with your behavior.
- They aren’t happy with your behavior very often.

From the search I look up for emotional harrassment, it is either related to emotional distress or emotional abuse. Other than that, it happens when a person is sexually harass. Sorry for I couldn’t find the actual meaning of this in the net. Anyone is welcome to put this in if the meaning and the exapmles are found.

Child Abuse (from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_abuse

Child abuse is the physical or psychological maltreatment of a child. Child abuse is often synonymous with the term child maltreatment or the term child abuse and neglect.

There are many forms of abuse and neglect and many governments have developed their own legal definition of what constitutes child maltreatment for the purposes of removing a child and/or prosecuting a criminal charge. In the United States, the Federal Government puts out a full definition of child abuse and neglect and creates a summary of each State definition. To view, go to Definitions of Child Abuse and Neglect: Summary of State Laws [1] that is part of the 2005 State Statute series by the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information.

My dad was scolding me the other day for using strong words over small matter. How did this happen? I was being very sensitive towards every little things my dad say. He was telling me that it iisn’t easy to earn money now a days for economy is slow. I straight away jump to conclusion and told my dad that he ACCUSED me for spending too much money. But to think back, if I wasn’t so sensitive and emotional, I would have fought with my dad over that matter. If I would have look beyond that, I might have think carefully what my dad was telling me for his intention wasn’t to say I am spending too much but I must have control on what I spend on.

If I didn’t have that arguement with my dad, I wouldn’t realise that I was being very emotional and sensitive towards matters which doesn’t even consider as a serious matter. It was a normal thing a parent would do. A parent has the responsible to guild and teach their children and they have the right to tell them off. But we as children want so much of freedom that we forgot ourselves and rank ourselves same level as them and DEMAND our equal rights. In Asian, parents are to be respected. There are reasons why they sound us. And us, being influence by the Western culture, act insensitive to our parents good deeds. They have experience more than us and don’t want us to follow their footsteps but they forget that there are times we have to go through it to learn from it.

We rank ourselves equally as our parents and when our friends tell us off the same way as our parents, we would gladly accept it. When our parents tell us that way, we say they accuse. furthermore, we can even accuse them for causing EMOTIONAL DISTRESS or EMOTIONAL HARASSMENT. But truthfully, how many of us know the meaning of these words? For me, I know how to use these words but do I know how strong these words are? What effect it would cause? But these are not any normal words. They are used over serios matter and not on our daily lifes. It happens, yes, but to what extend only we should use these words?

I was laugh at when I ask the adults about the meaning of these words. When I told them about the problem and use these words, they laugh in my face. They told me, during their time, thses have been happening and it is part and parcel of life. No one would miss this stage they have to go through. But why use such strong words on something which is nothing. To gain attention or to make things big?

I remember once in the newspaper article about child abuse. How do you rate this case and how only can you say you abuse a child? A parent trying to teach their children by canning them is consider a child abuse? No. Those that are assesive are only consider child abuse. By hitting a child on the hand with a ruler in school consider child abuse? No. But all this depends on each different situation.

One things I would remember now is, not to use strong vocabulary words which i don’t really understand the meaning on issues or problems which are actually a minor problem. I would learn not to make a minor problem huge by using a bombastic word to identify the issue. These are lesson learn from me and in a hard way. Should have listen and understand what my dad want me to see at that moment but now even I’m in shit due to something like this which I do not know head of tail at but rough idea, it isn’t too late to learn. Another important lesson learn by me is not to be overly sensitive and emotional over matters that actually meant nothing.

Was wondering…everyone in this society would compete and compare who is smarter than who. But I think that all this people are stupid. Why do you want to measure your smartness with others? Every individual are smart in their own way. I know of parents who would push their kids to excel in studies but some are not smart with books but smart in maybe arts or technical work.

There are some who are smart in books but when it comes to real life scenario, they are helpless and become drama king/queen and make a huge problem out of it. They are so poor in handling it till they think they didn’t contribute anything to it. Without doing anything means, why do you bother how the other person react and if you hit the spot and irritate the other party?

Those people who cut queeues when driving are call stupid by me. No offence but to think back, if you didn’t cut queeues, the traffic would still be ok. If you cut queeues, those at the back remain where they are not moving while you who cut queeues take over their place? Is this logic? If not, is there other reason for a jam to happen when there isn’t any accident involve?

For people who knows they have done a mistake but refuse to take responsibility and put blame on others and pretend they play no part in it, isn’t this considered as stupid? I know that there are times we do not know if we make a mistake or not but there are some who knows it but repeats them and not realise it and claim that they are right still.

How else can a person measure their stupidity? When have extra time in hand, waste it by lazing around and not doing work when there are stacks of things to do? Waiting for a person to call and company you or meals only eat if not starve yourself? Wait on others and not do your work? If the person you want to be with most can’t invite you out with his/her friends, you runwaway by saying you are busy or have other plans? Showing off you wealth? Showing off you intelligents on things which you yourself have no idea of but just bullshit just to get people to respect you? Writting this stupid blog? The list goes on and on….

How to measure stupidness???

How do you consider yourself humble? This is a question I kept asking myself. How is it only we are considered humble? Down to earth?

What I was taught is being humble is not to be arrogant and too full of oneself. Not to think that you know everything. But it seems that there are a lot of people out there who are too full of themselves. They would go about and say that they did nothing to create trouble but truthfully, they did something but too blind to realize what they do. Most of the time, there isn’t any proof to proof that person did it for that person can easily manipulate others to believe them.

In this world, who isn’t attracted to money? There is a phrase,”Money attracted everything”. It happens all the time. Once a person has money, that person can buy anything in this world. For example, money buy friends, take away loneliness, etc. But would all this last? I know it would last a while them disappear. A person can use money to buy something to gain friendship but then how often and how much money do you have that would help you maintain that friendship? Bragging on buying more expensive things? Bragging bout your wealth?

Maybe a person don’t buy friendship from money but then through sympathy. Or maybe being a drama queen can help you gain attention and friends. But would it all last? It all comes back to be humble. Be who you are and not use other things to influence others or to gain friendship. As long a person be humble, which is not full of themselve and try to outdo themselves or try to outshine others to gain attention. Don’t look down at others, not be emotional and jump to conclusions. Don’t misuse others to gain your achievement in life. Always respect others and not do things you don’t want others to do to you.