My Thoughts…

Finish one assignment and there are 2 more to go. Haih…One due this friday and another in 2 weeks time. How am I to go and enjoy when I have assignment to finish? Haha…at least the one due on Firday is bout done I think. But still want to go and have fun. Want to go to PWTC to see the Motor Show 2006. Want to go watch movie. Haih….End of month somemore. No money already to go enjoy.

Overspend on a shopping spear with my friend Shirley. One thing I know is I would buy something that is different from my normal clothing style and more feminine. But I hardly wear anything that look feminine often. Maybe I do not act feminine enough I still feel more comfortable in a pair of jeans, normal T-shirt tops which are 100% cotton and sport shoes. Haha…not heels still My collection of shoes would make females wonder what’s wrong with me. I only have a pair of slippers, a pair of sport shoe and a pair of heels. That’s all I have Haha…

It’s ok. Now have to do assignment and hopefully get some fun later. Haha…all depends how much I can get done. Then maybe do some shopping when I have money

It’s amazing that I manage to finish an assignment all by myself in 24 hours. Hahaha…This is weird for it is my first time to get a one day assignment. This is damn stress and frustrating at the same time. So far i didn’t know that I can actually write a program which I was stuck and debug it myself. I was asking my friends who help me but somehow they gave me a lead on how to move on. Hehe…

This feels like an achievement to me. I have never done GUI in Java before. I can’t even manage programing on my own. So this is damn cool. I make it just in time to hand in and also make a small enhancement for the program. I know it isn’t a biggy for the biggy need to debug and I was running out of time so have to make deal with a simple one which I think only would earn me 1 out of 5 marks. Hahaha…

This is the best achievement even if the marks isn’t perfect but I manage to do something that I thought I can never do. Programming ^_^ and I had fun and it isn’t that bad after all

Why does it seems so hard to not care for others? Why is it when we start to care for a person, we continue to care for that person and it affects us badly if that person we care doesn’t respond. Is there a defination of care which only limits how much you care and who to care? Can anyone be cold hearted not to care about people around them who they see? A person doesn’t need to show they care but if what the other person doeos affect them, it shows that they care if not it wouldn’t affect them at all. This is what happens to the kind people. They are weak but what believe they have, they hold on to them stongly. That’s the difference.

I think God made us this way. The strong thinks they are strong if they can manipulate people and make people believe them but in the end, they are the one end up lonely. Some are too hardheaded to admit this and still go on but the cycle continues. God made the kind hearted people seem weak for they are the one who are being taken advantage of. But God gave them something extra. Friends. Friends who would believe in them for these kind people hold on to their believe and what they believe in. It may be dumb but it seems true.

There are times, we try hard to see people we care for to not fall back in life. But it is frustrating that all the advice you give and all the endless talks fall on deaf ears. Those that care are the one who are less influencial for what that comes out of our mouth are the things we don’t see enjoyable. This is like the cartoon where one side the devil tells you to go have fun and do things you like best while the angel is at the other side trying to tell you no but think what you have to do which isn’t fun. Most of the time, the devil wins for we humans are weaklings who prefer fun to work.

It’s sad to know that your good intentions are misunderstood and there are a lot of people out there who would make life tough for this small group of people. Reason? Take the fun away from them? Deprive them from what they aim to achieve? I don’t know for I’m not one of them. All I can do is guess what might be in their mind. I had tried my best and its tiring to know all the enery and effort spend to help a person and care for that person is going to deaf ears. The only thing left within our power is to pray for him/her. For people who really care for the other person’s future, it is best to be the bad guy at time instead of being the one who spend all the time hanging out and have fun. Instead maybe do things together that benefits both.

All I know it is frustrating to care and help for it either goes to deaf ears or I have the story told to me in a twisted manner where all the balme comes to me that I’m against something. Pure motives but got rejected. Feel disappointed but what am I to do. To care or not to care? To avoid any problems that arise for me where people might hate me or go on with what I believe in and help continue to care even it would end up disappointing? Have I done enough? How else I can help but still not be rumoured about or be told by others on things that I did which I didn’t know about? We are all individuals who has the right to choose what we want to do and no one can choose for you unless you allow that person to do so. We have to respect their decision for it is their life. All we can do is tell them bout it and they decide.

I think I would be frustrated with all this till the person really know that there are a lot that care and want to protect him/her but his/her actions just disappoint us. All I can say now is remember the devil is on one ear and the angel is on the other. Listen properly who you want to follow. Nothing comes easily. A phrase that I was told since young, you suffer 2 years, you enjoy 10 times more in future. The rest is up to them. That is all I can do now without getting myself into trouble. If this can get me into trouble, I have nothing more to say.

Final word, whatever I do it is frustrating. Why am I place in this category?

There are times I wonder if it is a good thing to care for others? Is it an offense to be kind to others? For me I think it isn’t bad to care and be kind but unfortunately there is a price to pay for being kind and caring. The price that need to be paid is being taken for granted, being used or manipulated. The feelings you feel after this is hurt and anger.

There are times when you treat a person good, they forget totally and only say you treat them like shit when you can’t help them or you find that you are being used or manipulated. But is it our fault? I don’t think so. We are all humans and we have feelings. If we are betrayed or hurt, I do not think we would want to feel it again. Like a phrase, “Once bitten, twice shy.” No one would let the same thing happen again. If it does, it create more hurt. Other than that, the person would lose their trust on others even they are good people.

I know how it felt like where you feel like you trust was taken for granted. You trust that person so much and you believe everything they say but to find out they are fake. It hurts a lot and that person had broken the trust. I do not know how many people can rebuilt that but for me, once the trust is broken, I do not intend to mend it unless that person work hard to try built it back and repent for what they did. But would it last? Once if its a person’s habit to manipulate and used others, it isn’t easy for them to change. But very few do change for the better. So far I haven’t encounter one that can.

Sometimes there can be people who show they care but is it real or fake? There are some who show they care but actually they do not. They can show they want to help but in the end they cause more damages. Some would admit it is their fault but some who think too highly of themselves wouldn’t admit they play a part in it for it is the other party’s fault for being influence. So if there is anyone to blame, I think both are to blame and not one for “You need two hands to clap.”

I do wonder if I care too much of and worried bout some friends that I feel hurt when I feel like they have broken the trust? Am I that easy to be fulled to gain pity, trust and friendship? Am I that slow in judging people around me? But I know it is hard for me to trust another person again but it is hard not to care for people who needs help. I also wonder if it is worth it to care for certain people who doesn’t really bother about the surroundings but think highly of themselves? Is it worth helping people who would take advantage of you and ignore your good intentions? Is it worth it to care for a person who you think you can’t trust anymore? I do not know. All I know I’m exhausted with all of this. I’m tired, worned out, angry and hurt but I do not know if it is worth anything at all.

Good deeds are not meant to be spread out like bad deeds but good deeds are normally forgotten easily. If you want to care and help a person, do it with a sincere heart and not hope for anything in return. The returns that you would receive one day would worth more than what you have sacrifice.

I do wonder how come we make friends? I know there is a phrase that says no man can life on an island but I do wonder how come we make friends? This question just pop up in my mind. I know it is nice to have friends so that we won’t feel lonely. But we use each other in a way to make life lively and fun. But how do we know if we cross a line? When you are being treated shitty? Or when a person ignore you? But I believe there are reasons for doing that. There are times when each other path doesn’t cross anymore, it is time to move on and not be hold back. You can still be friends but a different level of friends as we move on in life. But when that happens, we can’t blame them and say they treat you badly.

There are times when a friend threat you good but we don’t intend to remember. But when there is something bad, it seems so easy to forget what good they have done for us and alwz use the bad to acknowledge the other party. Why? Maybe it is because we are all humans and we make mistakes? We can’t expect each other to be perfect and no one is perfect. We just have to accept that we have weakness and not take pride that we have no weakness. But somehow I do not know how can we tell if a person is using another friend for a wrong purpose? Or if that person is taking advantage of you? If that happens, it is the individual to blame that they allow themselves to be manipulated. Friendly using each other to help one another and both parties happy is healthy. So I do not know how to rate this.

I also wonder how come there is an old saying which says, you can have many friends but a handful of close friends? I do not quite understand this phrase that well but I do believe it is hard to find a close friend. I do know I have a palmful of them only ^o^ and this palmful of people knows who they are. I have countable good friends but a lot of friends. But how do we know if and consider a person our friend? For we know their name? Or their personality? Or getting to know them better and hang out together?

It was cool when my cousin who now stays in Manila came here for a week with her schoolmates to camp in Taman Negara. We rarely get to spend time together when she came with her family. This time we had so much fun that we chat a lot of our personal life. Got to catch up on each other’s life that we only do in emails
Her trip to Taman Negara was bout USD700++. It is quite a lot. Her dad gave her bout RM500 to spend which she only spend less than a hundred if I’m not mistaken. Unlike her friends who brought a lot. Her so called best friend brought USD700 to spend here in Malaysia. Give me that sum of money I would spend minimal and safe the rest for other stuff in future She stayed at the Concorde KL for 2 days before she went off to Taman Negare. When she was here, her dad ask permission for her to go out with me and the teacher allowed her. So I went to pick her to go shopping since her friend wanted to follow and do shopping. Took her to Midvalley where she went to Roxy and purchase RM256 worth of stuff which was a handbag and a funny looking cap. Then to topshop where she purchase RM255 worth of a pair of jeans and two sleeping shorts. Then to Espirit where she purchase RM170 worth of 2 pieces of top. ALl this done in 15 minutes. I wouldn’t have done this in such a short time. I think my friends who are loaded can do that or those that have plenty of cash to spare can do that.

Then her friend tried to get attention. She got a call from her mother who say she want to kill her dad. Mind you she would for the dad left her mum before she was born and her mum wasn’t married to her dad. She make a huge fuss over it. Acting like a drama queen over this. But before this, she has been adding salt to her life stories to get attention and get friends. My cousin felt like she is being used by her. Somehow this sounds just too familiar to me. Hehe…When I send her back, I meet up with her teacher and got permission for her to spend more time out before she head off to Taman Negara. I thought her phone won’t have signal there but surprisingly she got. I wouldn’t be surprise when she told me that she was staying in a resort with air-con rooms and attached bathroom. Haha…

We keep in touch during then. I sms her when I can’t call since I have class. We keep each other posted on how our day was and wish we were together. Haha…I was hoping I was in Taman Negara to watch real life drama while she felt the same for me here. I would call her and we spend like nearly 2 hours daily on the phone chatting. Haha…We did that till the last day she was here in Malaysia. We manage to talk bout more than 2 hours before she went to sleep. Her last topic with me is she is sick of her so called best friend who uses her and bitch bout her and make a huge fuss over everything around her. Basically she was tired of her friend acting as a drama queen. She gave enough pity and attention to her and she decided to move on without her. I have nothing to say but support her if she thinks that is the best way. For me it can be considered the best way if she want to avoid all this misery.

How I wish that she won’t leave so fast. Just hoping she can be around here longer Don’t know why but i bond with my cousins well. Hehe ^_^

Two days luck is real good. Yesterday a yellow Lambogini pass me by. I’m sorry for I haven’t learn to recognize the modals yet. It was fantastic to come across two fantastic cars in 2 days straight.

Was driving back to Sunway and went through SS3. I heard the engine and I quickly turn to look at my rear mirror and saw that car. I followed the car all the way back to Sunway and admire it as I drove back. I think it was heading to the service center at SS13. It was like a dream to come across these cars 2 days in a row. I think I would sit back at home today and not hunt for more of these fantastic cars on the road

I saw a Ferrari 360 Modenna yesterday as it speed pass me at the round-a-bout just pass SS2. I couldn’t believe it and my eyes was glued to the car as it went pass me. But I have to drive at the same time so I didn’t get to admire it for long. When I told my uncle in the car that it is such a beautiful car, my uncle reply me and say do you know there are a lot of people who died driving a ferrari? Do you know the ferrari all comes with a manual for drivers? I didn’t know and I ask why. It seems that the car settings are very different from normal cars and the control is different also. A lot of people take it for granted and thought no big deal so end up in accidents that kill them for it has tremendous power.

If you have the ferrari for a day, what would you do? Push it to the limit to see how is the car like? Would you floor it? I know I won’t. All I know my uncle successfully scare me to touch any of this powerful cars. I can admire from afar and not try them unless I have good supervision or got lessons As for now I would stick to admiring them. But the car I love most is the Lambogini ^o^ Ferrari is second ^o^

Got this from a forwarded email from my aunty on mothers
Why God made moms” answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats alot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back of her head.

Keng Leng called me on Sunday night to have a yam cha gathering with the other friends at a mamak in Section 17, Petaling Jaya. So far he said that King, Senan, and Teng Teng but then manage to get Woon Shen and Jason along. We had a lot of fun then and the main highlight was King being tease nonstop by all of us Senan started them King just kept quiet. The moment he opens his mouth, he got bang hard by all He then kept quiet and watch the football match shown on the projector screen
We had so much laughs as we exchange stories. Woon Shen was telling bout the stories he heard while he was working. He would be going back to Klang to relax before joining us back here next semester Then the others just talk bout what has been happening lately and exchange interesting things that happened since we last meet up and chat
We had a fun night out. We sat there and chat for 3 hours plus and still have a lot to talk about but we were all tired so we heard home. We would continue it another time when we are all free again. Since King is now working, second week working while Senan is working at the 66th floor of KLCC I think I just hope he doesn’t decide to create another building above the skybridge and name it Senan’s private office hahaha…. This is the safe way of teasing Senan and not get any firing back hahaha…. I don’t think neither Senan nor King would read this blog hahaha

Oh ya…I made a dumb bet as I now see it for it is a 50/50 chance for me to win it. Made a bet with King over something (sorry can’t tell details incase he has friends who help him to sabotaj me just kidding) where the loser is to buy the winner a handphone. The new Sony Ericsson 3 megapixel camera phone Haha… I think I put too much risk in this bet. I hope when the time comes, we can change the condition a bit hehe… Hope I can win this bet now ^o^