My Thoughts…

Is it me or the world is changing till I do not recognize it anymore? There seems to be more people who can’t be trusted. They may give you the impression that they can be trusted but in the end be hurt. The cycle repeats itself till one can’t take it and break. What happen to all of us? Are we really moving forward or backwards? Or it seems to be hold back with our high school thinking, we would forever be young and not grow old? That less problems would occur? I doubt that. The further back we go, the more problems occurs. Why? As we grow, we learn to think more. So going backwards isn’t improving ourselves but making ourselves worst.

Many of us think that we are matured in thinking but we are not. When we think back on the things we do, are we called matured and young adults? It isn’t always that. We tend to think like a kid. One good example are marriages. How come marriages can’t last? Is it the age factors or didn’t date long enough? Neither one is the main reason. The real reason is ourselves. Problems start within ourselves and we let it affect our partner. Over a small matter or small misunderstanding, arguement that will tear down the house happens. Once no agreement is made, divorce is the solution. But do we realize that each phrase of life or experience we go through we would change. If we can’t accept the changes on our partner, how can we live in harmony?

What is the reason they got married? Because they love each other. Why do they love each other? Is love just the chemistry or is there more to it? There are more to it. Love and relationship need a long time to build to make it strong. Even after marriage, we have to work to make our marriages successful. But we think that once married, we do not need to work hard on the relationship. That is the problem with all of us. We work hard to gain people’s trust but then once get it, we forgot everything and misuse it and make others unhappy and the trust is broken. Can it be mended? No.

Isn’t it the same in life? We have to work to gain something and we have to continue to work hard to maintain them. But we are all lazy people who doesn’t do maintenance. That is how we are now. A lot of us want to change others for their imperfection. But first, judge ourselves before we say others. Like a saying, “Point a finger at others for thier one mistake and you are pointing back 4 fingers at yourselves.” Self evaluate before saying others. If you want to point fingers also make sure you have grounds why you do it. If others agree with you then it isn’t bout you but if everyone disagree with you on the matter, then it is you who is the problem.

This is one thing we fail to do in today’s world. We only want to be look at by our good points and not bad points. We would hide them. We would boost a lot. That is when we allow the ego devil to take over. Then we allow fear to take over also. In the end, we are controlled by these two and life is sad from my point of view. Once freed from them, you would realize the difference. You would realize how much you can achieve and how far we can go in life.

Worries seem to be planted deep in me. There seems to be so much to worry when there shuldn’t be. Why? I do wonder why. Maybe I attract problems or so happen it always happen with me around. One after another. When would I be free of worries. Worries come and go but sometimes we are force to worry over matters that doesn’t need to be worried about. How are we to stop worrying? One way, by telling ourselves there is nothing to worry about and pretend it doesn’t exist or even happen. Another way, by lying to yourselve that it is nothing. That way, we might even convince ourselves that we found what makes us happy when it isn’t.

Sometimes, worries can be reduce if all or us know how to think. But it is sad to say that I realize more and more people think like high school kids. How come? I just realize no matter what I do, I tend to fall to that category but I manage to stop myself by asking myself, what do I gain? Is it really what I want of just to cool down my anger. Or is it just due to our own egotism? We allow our fear to take command and make ourselves the monster or the bad person. Trying to protect ourselves is good but over-protecting is bad. It isn’t always we can have things going the way we want. That is why all of us have a fair share of worries but now the worries I’m having are a burden which was placed unnecessary. I can choose not to worry but who am I lying to?

It is good to worry bout others. I can say that all of us have someone who we are all worried about. Do you want to be the person constantly worrying bout the other for small matters which was made into big? Is it right to snatch the place of the person who is most worried and allowing them to worry more by closing them out for own selfishness? Ask yourself if you want to be that unlucky one. Place yourself in their shoes. Not everything is about you. Not everything revolve around you alone. You are not the center of everything. You can’t be that great that you can understand everyone easily. You are not the only one that can solve everything for there are others who are capable too if given a chance and not push to a dead end.

What a day! Can anyone help me? Why is everything falling apart at the same time? How can this be happening??? First is my laptop but I manage to maintain it to be alive. But it seems to be telling me I can’t last long. Why??? Now it lags and hangs so often. It is making me worried when I need it the most. Can it last long enough till I get another laptop? How am I to make it outlast its life? I do not want to part with my laptop Even if I get a new one, I would keep this one and try to make it last longer but I have to give it a rest and not let it do hard labour like it is now.

Aside from that, my car is giving me more and more problems. It has some problems but it is increasing and can’t seem to find a solution. Before this, the ABS indicator has come out a few times but the mechanic check the computer and say it is fine. But the indicator kept coming up. It is claim that the sensor spoil and the ABS is still in good shape. Unfortunately, recently it keep coming up that it worries me. Do not know what the heck is wrong. Then now the alarm is driving me crazy. I do not know why. It is said that the sensor are too sensitive for the material used is cheap. So the alarm would ring when the metal plate that trigger the alarm is lose. How am I to know how many sensor is lose and would trigger the alarm? The alarm would ring 3 times or more when I’m awake. It is frustrating. Then at night it does the same thing. It isn’t nice for it would disturb the neighbours. What to do? Have to send for check up but I need to use the car for it is my means of transport to campus and next week I really need the car to run errands. I hope putting it at the workshop on Monday, it can be check and problems retified on the same day and fix.

What to do? All come at the same time. I would be busy handling the preparial of my new place. I might have to go over to receive items or to go telekom to transfer my phone line and internet line. There is so much to do and the car must give me so much headache. Then my computer have to hang and lag so badly when I need it most to do research on my assignment. The most I have my thumbdrive so that I can save information and ask another friend to bring her laptop to retrieve the information. I have a Mac Mini as a standby incase my laptop give up on hard labour. The only disadvantage is mobility. I need the mobility to do my work Hope everything would work out.

It do amaze me how fast money goes out the pocket and so hard to come into the pocket. How I wish I do not have to worry bout this. It would be nice as not to work and still have money flow in. Haha…That would not happen but I can only wish ^_^

Besides that, I have a tournament coming up and I’m injured. What a good time Going to be part of my church team for a GoodWill Games where it is something like Olympics instead it is among all the Catholic Churches in Malaysia. What a big even and I’m careless and got my wrist injured. As a table tennis player, this is bad for we need our wrist to control the spin. Might have tried too hard to gain my normal strokes since I couldn’t really play last week. Might have overwork myself then and I wasn’t careful when I tried to open a spoil door at campus. Got a cut on the left hand and injured my right wrist. My leg injury is getting better. Pulled my right leg muscle a few times and I might have over-strain my knee for it hurts the past 3 days. Slowly recovering and I hope I do not have anymore injuries during this crucial time. Haih…Is there a way to make sure I would not be injure during training? Anyway for intensive training without pushing myself too hard and injure myself? Pressure when you are known as the secret weapon for the team. Mostly females player aren’t good so I’m their secret weapon. It is scary to be used as a secret weapon for the last tournament when they use me as a secret weapon, I scared of all the female players who daren’t play with me. Before the match, I’m consider winner for they were afraid of me and they have mentally phyco themselves that they would lose. Hope it would be the same here so that I won’t over-strain myself. Hope all the tournament I went prepare me well to go through this tournament

It is mental health week here in campus. There is nothing much to do but then I have this lecturer who really emphasis it. Haha…but it is good. It seems that people of today do not know this. A lot of us think like high school kids and not grown ups when we are in campus. My lecturer was just commenting about it. He claims that many of us can be successful in our studies and may earn a degree but our way of thinking is bad. He was saying how disappointed he is how most of us are.

It seems that we mostly think of ourselves more and do what we please or do as we like all the time and not think of what is to happen or who it may effect. This is a very childish way of thinking according to him. We have to think of others as well to be successful. No matter how smart we are and we only think what we want and have things our own way, we would never succeed. There are always two sided way when we view something. There is not one way which is correct but there are at least 2 ways. Whose view are these? One is ours and the other it those around us.

But why do we want to think the way we want and have things the way we want? For we feel more secure that we are in control? We can protect ourselves from being hurt? That is one thing but to think back, the hurt we would have later is more than now. We can fall and get over it but if we keep avoiding it and running away from it, the hurt would grow till a point we just hurt ourselves and maybe worst, need medical assistance.

That is why my lecturer was emphasing on the mental health week. He asks us to go for a youth development thing to see how other students design their projects but all didn’t do a good job. The idea is there but they only think of themselves. How to make things better and not how it would help their customers. That was how they failed. Not physically but they fail mentally for they can’t reach what their customers request. Majority of us are like that. According to my lecturer, it is called high school mentality. We think of ourselves and not the other side that is why our project is a failure. This is important when we come out to work. If not, we can see outselves at the same position all the time.

How can we really make others realize this? How are we to teach the younger generation to think more? All they need is followed what is planned for them. They do not need to view it from a different point. As long they do well in school and make parents proud, is all that matters. How can we instill this values so that we would be useful people and not depend on others to be successful? Values to learn in life that our older generation practise which is forgotten for things come easily for us now?

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were
reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic . They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic , wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops. As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received
A steady stream of refusals.

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. “Are you a good farm hand?” the farmer asked him.
“Well, I can sleep when the wind blows,” answered the little man.

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, Hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man’s work. Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore.
Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand’s sleeping quarters. He shook the
little man and yelled, “Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!” The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, “No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows.”

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.
To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.

Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew.

When you’re prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically, you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life? The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because HE had secured the farm against the storm. We secure ourselves against the storms of life by grounding ourselves in the Word of God. We don’t need to understand, we just need to hold His hand to have peace in the middle of storms.

Today the 12 September 2006, Is the day to remember for me. Iti s the first time I met with my favourite players. Yes. I paid RM50 to go watch the Volkswagen 2006 China vs World All Stars which was held here in Stadium Badminton Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. It isn’t all the time they would have this event here in Malaysia. Took the chance and went to watch.

The response was fantastic. A lot of people went. Since it is free sitting, I sat at the back of the players. There is a gap for pathway. It was so close that I can see the players warm up. I manage to take some pictures. The best was Ma Lin warming up before his double match. The line up of players are Wang Liqin, Ma Lin and Chen Qi for China and for the World All Stars are Timo Boll, V. Samsonov and Oh Sang Eun. There was a exhibition match between China Wan Nan with our Malaysia top female player. The highlight was the match and not the exhibition match. Sad to say our standard is way below China. The way Wan Nan played was so much different from when she is playing in the World Championship. If she was to play that way, I think our player would only get zero. It was an easy 3-0 match for Wan Nan where she play for fun and entertain the crowd.

The first single was Timo Boll vs Chen Qi where the scores were 2-3. Close call for Chen Qi. Timo Boll nearly win. Timo Boll is kinda cute. The way he play is damn cool. The second match is Wang Liqin and Oh Sang Eun. Wang Liqin won 3-2. Then they break for a double match where V.Samsonov partner Timo Boll vs Ma Lin and Wang Liqin. It was a good match with rallies. The display of coordinations in the rally is damn nice. It still amazes me how flexible Ma Lin’s body is for he can return the ball at odd positions. Ma Lin and Wang Liqin won 3-0 if I remember correctly.

After that was the match between V.Samsonov and Chen Qi. Samsonov won 3-1 is I remember correctly. I hardly see much of Samsonov. He left right after the game and didn’t stay back for the prize giving ceremony. Its sad I didn’t manage to have his pictures. My friend say that he might be tired and retreat back to the hotel or he isn’t feeling well for he didn’t play that well. I kinda like the way Samsonov play. It is so gentle. Even when attack, he is kinda gentle. The way he serve also is so gentle. The last match was Ma Lin vs Oh Sang Eun. It was a close match but Ma Lin won 3-2. At the rubber match, Oh Sang Eun was leading by 4 points but his coach called a time out. Right after that, Ma Lin caught up and won the match. It is hard to explain the match for there were so many oohh….and ahhhs…where the ball hit the net and fall on the table. There were some good saves and amazing play. You have to be there to really know how it was like.

The feeling to watch them play and watch them play on TV is so different. It is so much more exciting and everyone cheer for their favourite team. Mostly cheer for China. I manage to take some nice pictures during the prize giving ceremony. Have to really struggle to get nice shots for there were so many people who wants to take the pictures. Besides that TV3 was there to film the event. I wonder if they would show it on TV. If they do, I’m going to record it. I do wonder if I would appear on TV ^_^ The camera man was shotting at my direction since I was sitting somewhere behind the coaches Haha…I know I’m a bit perasan but would be cool to appear on TV attending this event ^_^

It was a fun outing. I met a lot of friends there. Those I play with on Mondays at MCA PJ near PJ Hilton was there. Billy was there and he spotted me sitting behind the players. My dream to sit behind them was granted. I manage to zoom my camera and get a picture of Billy and Yip but it isn’t clear. Need to find a way to make the picture clear. Then my church members were there also. It was fun. The surprising friend was Kenji. I haven’t seen him since he went to Australia to study. He is my xi-heng. We train under the same xifu who is Jeremy. It is a plesant surprise to meet him there and he recognize me. He didn’t change a bit at all. Have a short chit chat and would go to UE3 to play. Maybe. When I improve myself and get back in form. Hahaha…. how I wish I get to shake hand with Wan Nan or play a few strokes with her. But I’m not qualified.

Would post up pictures of the event once I have upload them. Haha…hope it is soon if not people would kill me. Got some cool pictures of the players and also with my friends What a day to remember. If there is any other event like this held, I’m going to make sure I participate for it is so nice to watch them play live.

What to do? What to do?
We can’t eat beef due to Mad Cow Disease!
We can’t eat chicken due to Bird Flu!
We can’t eat eggs due to Solmonella!
We can’t eat pork due to J.E.!
We can’t eat fish due to heavy metals in the waters which have poisoned their meat!
We can’t eat fruits and vegetables due to insecticides, herbicides and pesticides!
Hmm….
I guess that leaves…..
CHOCOLATES! I doubt there is anything left other than water and maybe turtle??? ^_^

Remember: STRESSED backwards spells DESSERTS!

These are my two friends whom I have known since MUFY. They are the best of buddies like how I am with Merlye aka Stitch. This picture was taken on Wednesday on the 6th September 2006 while waiting for Elaine. Elaine was in the graduation hall while me, Jaime, King and Woon Shen waited at the lobby. It was so bored that we decided to take pictures with the flower. This is a candid shot taken of Woon Shen and King. Don’t they look like an adorable couple.

This post might get me killed by them but I think I would be save since they hardly read this. Hehe…But they look so cute together. Hehe…Oops..better not push my luck. I’m going to be skinned alive by them. The most I would have my pocket very light. Hehe…but it was fun being with them all the time for there are endless laughters. i admire their friendship and how they went through thick and thin but still remain that close. This make me miss Merlye How can Lilo be without Stitch? Hehe ^_^

Isn’t life ironic. No matter how hard we try, there are still more downs then ups. But thank God that I’m still consider lucky. I have shelther and food to eat unlike the war victims. My basic needs are satisfied so what more so I want? How I wish that life can be smooth sailing but calm seas doesn’t produce skillful sailors. Everyone would have their own rough time and would learn from them. I have fallen a lot of times but I manage to pick myself up and move on. This is because I have my family who supports me no matter what. I also have my external family who supports and worries a lot of on me. No matter what, they would have a say in everything I do also. As long they think it isn’t right, they would tell me so I can make a better decision. How many of us have such privilage? But how often do we appreciate it? Hardly. At times I find it irritating for its my life and I have the right to do what I want. Little did I realize they care for me and only want the best for me also.

As I remember, they would give in to my request as long it is reasonable. They take me overseas and they pay for my expenses there. My parents only pay for the air-tickets. How many of us are that lucky. When I went over to Manila to visit them, I didn’t change a single RM to Peso. Instead once there, my uncle pass me one thousand peso and told me I can spend how I want as to buy any gifts for friends. If it isn’t enough, they would give me more. I wanted to buy a pool cue and my uncle just paid for it. Somehow I gave that cue away. My uncle didn’t complain a single bit. He took it as a bad investment on me. Hehe… But whenever I’m down, they would comfort me and would constantly call me. I’m consider lucky that some of their close friends take me as their good friend also and would comfort me. I trust their judgement on what they think of my friends. Some might not be pleasant to know but I would say I appreciate them for it is like a warning to me as to be careful with certain people who might hurt me in the end.

They have gone through a lot and have seen more and have overcome what I’m going through. If they can, I can too. I just wish the comment that my uncle took the time to want to talk to me personally isn’t gone to waste. I still have the email he send me due to that. It was the first time he said something positive to me reagarding something personal. He had never preaise any one before and he took his time to do it. But it reminds me how much I have taken things for granted. Was it a mistake to treat others well even they do not treat me well? Many people tell me I’m stupid. There are people who feel hurt that I care for people whom are not worth caring for. Is it wrong? I just can’t seem to stop caring for people I know. If they have hurt me in the past, I still would care and wonder how they are. For those that treat me bad, I never blame them if they treat me bad for they have the right. Sometimes I do wonder, is it just me that is stupid to allow people to bully and take advantage of me? I have people I just met that tell me that I’m too nice and they feel it isn’t worth it for being that nice to everyone.

Maybe this is how I was made to be? Like Steven Irwin. He is a great person. Maybe there are things he did that public doesn’t not approve but he knows what he is doing. He is knowledgable about the wild. Those that are close to him would only know how his life was. There are so many people out there who might be jealous of him that they make a huge issue out of small matters. Now that he has made his way to Heaven, must people still dig out the past and say that he is not a worthy man? One thing I know. We can’t stop what others say. Everyone has the right to say what they want for they can choose to like or dislike him. But those that knows him well would believe in him and what he is doing then be influence by what others say which is easier and more logical to believe. Those that manage to do that are strong. I won’t deny that. If you are easily influence to believe others when you say you know that person well would hurt the person more than the rumors. May Steven Irwin rest in peace.

I do wonder why God call upn him so early? Maybe He forsee that he would suffer more here on earth and decide to call him to the kingdom of Heaven? I do not know. As the world change, we see many good people or great people are called by God suddenly. Like Princess Diana, we do not know exactly what happen in her life but the good she did can outshine the bad. What she did was great. Not many would do it. Have we hear anyone who is doing what she did in the past? Mother Theressa. She took those poor on the streets and gave them shelter and more. We keep seeing the good people getting less and less but more self-centered people more. Where are we heading? I fear we are heading to destroy our own human race. Would there be another Noah’s ark to make us realise out wrong? Even God keep forgiving our sins, can we keep on sinning and not learn?

What is life coming to? I can only find shelter in my family. That is the only place I find safe. All the experience we have, do we learn from them? Do we put them to practise or we are busy looking for more money, power and status? Do we need a disaster to make us realize all this and come together to support one another and live in harmony? The last time I see the world so united was during Tsunami. Is it just me or the world really changing? Chung Lern was asking this question also. What is life actually? Is this what we want in life? To have everything our way and have things come easily? To hurt or destroy those that comes in our path? How is it only we would be satisfied with our lifes and live in peace?

A lot may think this is a ridiculous subject just like me but I beginning to see that it is different. We all do know how to communicate but there are a lot to know bout it also. We may think we know everything but there are some where we don’t know. Most likely, most of us know but we don’t see it in ourselves for how can we see how we are? Hehe… We need a mirror to see and most of the time are the people around us that would know.

I just got my assignment relating Verbal and Non-Verbal Communications. This is an interesting topic though. Which is more important and have more effect, Verbal or Non-Verbal Communications? For those that think that words are stronger, I’m sorry for non-verbal plays a heavier role. How come? There are a few categories in the non-verbal communications. They are chronemics which is language of time, kinesics which is language of body, proxemics which is the language of space, paralanguage which is use of voice and artifacts which is language of objects. In our daily life, paralanguage and kinesics are often used. We do not know how powerful our body language is and how much more poisonous it is compare to words.

How our expression is like can trigger misunderstandings. But this can’t be helped for we can’t see nor realize we are doing it. Most of the time it is unintentionable. If you think a person is doing it on purpose, that person knows that they are showing the expression. If a person doesn’t know, we just can’t jump the gun and claims that it is intentionable. This happens daily. If everyone intentionally doing it, everywhere we turn, we are sure to be offended. How to clear this up also? Talk to the person bout it and come up with a solution. Like the Star papers yesterday, 7 September at the section where bloggers write their opinion, someone say that all problems actually have a solution if people communicate and practise effective listening.

Communication is the bridge to connect one person to another. If there is a problem, Communication is the best way to solve instead or declaring war. In the end who would suffer, you and other innocent people. But most of the time from my experience, communication can’t really help. Sometimes time apart is needed to let things solve on its own. Why? It is due to communication breakdown. How come breakdown? For a barrier is created and no communication is allowed to get through and also the person’s pride. When a person wants to talk it out, majority would think that you are the one at fault and they think they did nothing wrong. The other party have to be willing to be an effective listener and not think that he/she is at fault. If that person can’t do it, its useless and the problem would still remain. Best is to be quiet for by doing something, you are at fault and when you do nothing you are also at fault. What is it to do but to be quiet.

Most of us like to talk but how many of us would actually listen? Hardly anyone would listen due to our won pride and ego. We like to think of ourselves as correct and not wrong. How many of us would admit we are wrong? Who would? No one would. But by communicating and solving the problem in a positive way, both parties would benefit. By communicating, you can actually help one another out. You can help to solve problems or issues with the right attitude. Unfortunately our attitude sucks for all our priorities are mess up. What is important, family or money? I see mostly all go for money. Why you think the world became so scary? Everyone only wants more money to satisfy their thirst of wealth.

What are friends for? I don’t think it is for us to compete how many friends we have. Like a old saying, “Friends we can have plenty but those that are worthy are countable with our hands.” Friends are there for us to talk. They are there to help us reflect our character or our attitude or our personality. Who is it that can see us clearer than the people that see us. We may know ourselves well but there are times our non-verbal character acts up and we don’t see nor realise it. They are the one that would point it out. It hurts to hear them tell you but the hurt is short term compare to the long term of pain you would face.

I have an experience where it is due to my character. My pride which didn’t allow me to admit I was wrong and blame others and run away taught me a hard and painful lesson. I suffer for nearly 3 years before I’m free of it. If someone was to tell me off then, the pain would last the most a few weeks compare to 3 years. But now, me and that friend are friends again. I learn to accept people as they are and I’m learning to get along with them. We have open the communication path and we have talk things out. Most of it is due to misunderstandings due to our non-verbal actions. It is not easy to admit our wrong but once we acknowledge them, a burden is lifted up from our shoulders.

Communication is a strong language that united everyone. It is also powerful to destroy others also if we use it in the wrong way. Like the words used to start war. How many innocent people suffer due to the word revenge and to protect ourselves. Our selfishness are the key that make us make wrong judgement which can resort to violence and destruction of many innocent lives. But for us it isn’t that bad but the pain and the torture you cause others is bad enough. I now agree that this course is very interesting and think that it is really needed. A lot of us take it for granted that it isn’t important. All this self-help courses should be recommended more for not everyone is equip with these knowledge. Besides that, personal self-evaluation courses are also interesting. We learn more this way on ourselves and also managing our lifes better. Some might think it is stupid for I once thought it was but now realize it is important. It’s a waste that for now not everyone have the privilage to learn this and gain these extra knowledge.